Nobody cares about Clark Kent taking on the Batman.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice… well, it’s not a good movie. As a whole, it sucks. There are some decent moments, and some parts are played in a way that would deserve a better story to let them shine. Altogether though, gems are sparsely scattered along the movie’s 151 minutes.

For me, it is at once too long and too short. Too short for Zack Snyder to really tell us everything he was supposed to, too long for the amount of actual substance in it. I was frequently bored. And yet I did not know enough.

Marvel would prepare us for the story with a few prequels. The non-existent movie I miss the most is a Batman piece about Robin (that IMO should naturally follow Nolan’s trilogy). Affleck’s Batman could convince me, if I knew how he got here. Something from (comic-Batman spoiler alert!) here, judging from the clues. All things considered, his was actually a rather good performance. He made some stupid choices and was railroaded into his conflict with the other hero, but he could work given better plot.

Superman is… I don’t know, I never really liked him as a character. Cavill is bland and unremarkable, but I believe his hero to be the same.

Wonder Woman is cool. We don’t see her enough, her solo movie is something I would like to see. She’s mysterious and badass, has a few cool lines, steals a crucial moment from Superman, I definitely don’t mind her.

I do mind Jesse Eisenberg though. Watching him was painful. He tries to mimic Heath Ledger’s Joker and 1) fails 2) forgets he’s actually playing Lex Luthor.

That creates a problem, since his machinations are behind the movie’s biggest selling point – its Batman vs Superman part. So. Extremely. Forced. They did it way, way better in Superman: The Animated Series in the 90-ties, and with a real Joker! The conflict between DC’s two main heroes is much more in character with their established personalities in that one.

The dream – and dream within the dream – subplots (with Nazi-Superman worshippers you’ve seen in the trailers) are absurd. As unconvincing as explanation of the conflict as cheap, embarrassing scenes from the beginning, where Bruce Wayne deals with the collateral damage of the final Man of Steel fight. Don’t expect subtlety here.

Jeremy Irons ad Alfred Pennyworth was good, there is chemistry between him and Affleck, but it’s too marginal part to save the movie. Amy Adams as Lois Lane was reasonably good in Man of Steel, here she’s largely wasted.

If DC gets its shit together (is it likely?), this movie might be some day seen as providing seeds for later, better developed stories. By itself, I give it 4/10. Could be 5/10, but all the hype before vs. all the disappointment delivered – induced vengeful inclinations in me.

I’m not alone in my disgus. 44/100 on Metacritics! 28% on Rotten Tomatoes! Angry Joe hates it! (and he really liked Man of Steel). Get the aforementioned animated version (there is a feature-length version consisting of three combined episodes), see Kimmel’s sketch, but don’t waste your time and money on this movie.

Score: 4/10

I could continue with rant after rant but I don’t feel the movie merits it. In conclusion, one more thought – DC needs to wise up. If they want to create their replica of MCU (but darker…), that could work, but they need to take their time. And possibly fire Zack Snyder. Or they could find their own way of doing things. Half-assed copies of their competitors good ideas not only will not get them there, they could damage the whole genre by reminding the wider audience how boring can bad superhero movies get.